october twenty-second.

Blog? Blog? Don't be like this. Turn around, please. Let me explain.  No, I'm not making excuses-- well, I am, but listen. Just two seconds. I KNOW I promised you I'd do BEDO but I've been internet-less for the past four days. Jumbled entry to try and make up for the days I missed? Thanks : )

Oh gosh. I don't even know where to start. First off, I owe anyone that reads this an apology. I hate when people are sucky about promises and don't follow through, so I try not to do that. The truth is, though, I was without internet for four days which is a lot longer than it sounds. I could have gone to starbucks, or found wi-fi to leech, but I didn't. I am sorry.

Along with having no internet, I got the added bonus of no heat! The two are completely unrelated, but only added to my crankiness. I just realized its taken me 15 minutes to type this, because I keep inwardly debating how much to share. Brain editing is too hard, though, so I'll spill. Coincidentally, the past few days I haven't been blogging I've been really out of it. I'm slowly pulling myself back together, and as terribly dramatic and lame it sounds, it's true. The boy thing fell through; long story. I guess I'll just highlight the low-lights. 

"Date night" turned out to be terrible. I told yolie to invite her boyfriend because I thought it'd be awkward for her to just be a third wheel while I conversed with my guy. It ended up being pretty much the opposite, though. I finally convinced myself to get dressed and called a cab friday night. I give the cabbie the address and 10 minutes later he stops in front of the same club I met the guy at. Confused, I politely fumble my words and insist there's a mistake (did he seriously think our date would be in a freaking club?! answer: yes.) Cabbie got impatient, repeated how much I owed, and I got out, flustered and disappointed. I met yolie and her boyfriend outside, with matching puzzled looks. We decided to ignore this, and make the best of it. As we made our way in, I scanned the gyrating bodies for him and cursed myself for not taking an advil before leaving. An hour passed and there was no sign from him. No text, no call, nothing. I call him, as per yolie's advice, since it was already 1 AM and things weren't going as planned at all. His phone went straight to voicemail. Cool.  I insisted yolie go dance with her boyfriend, because I felt the polite thing was to sit alone and simmer angrily, instead of making everyone involved feel uncomfortable. They left and I blinked back tears and chided myself for getting my hopes up, for his douchiness, for the situation on general. Out of nowhere this guy plops down next to me and starts talking too much. Unfortunately for him I swore off guys about five minutes ago, so he was a little late. But persistent. He kept nuzzling me, telling me I smelled good, asking me questions that I one-wordedly answered. I was trying to figure out how I could down my beer in record time and successfully cab it home while insisting yolie and her boyfriend stay, because they were having a good time. Suddenly Persistent Dudey whispers for me to look in his eyes and because I'm a silly person and had been drinking, I did. He kissed me with more tongue than is ever acceptable, simultaneously groping his way down my body while I tried untangling myself and warned my stiletto clad feet that if they didn't work, high-heeled punishments would be a regular occurrence. They complied, and I made my way to the dance floor to find yolie and tell her I was leaving. PD followed, thinking I was leading him to dance. He grabbed me and started dancing ridiculously while I looked for yolie. As my luck would have it, while this is happening, the guy I was supposed to meet was about three feet away watching this gross guy grind on me. Yolie was shooting me "TURN AROUND!!!!" glances but I was trying to tell her I was going to leave. The exchange didn't go too well, as neither of us got to transmit what we wanted. Eventually I turned around and the look on him face killed me 

You know how people always say "I never act like this! This isn't me!"? Well it actually was like that. I do not have a new guy every week. I enjoy monogamous relationships where I don't have to play mind games. And being caught in this predicament I felt like the shittiest person. NOT EVEN MENTIONING that HE'S the one who sucked at communicating and was three hours late for our "date" that took place in a CLUB. jskfjdf

Okay so I go up to the guy I was supposed to meet and tried to play it off like nothing happened, considering that's how it was, but he was standoffish. He asked if the other guy was my boyfriend at about the same time the other guy came and asked me the same thing. It was an awkward situation, and I don't handle those well, so I said I had to go to the bathroom. Then things got fun. I was called a whore and other nice words by PD while old dudey stood there and watched a really drunk guy be an ass. He then came over and sat next to me, we hashed it out. I told him standing me up and being late was uncool, he told me that wasn't the way he wanted to find me, we apologized, whatever. 

Yolie and her boyfriend  were on a couch opposite from us when my guy takes a sip from his whisky-coke and extracts an ice cube with his mouth. I think "oh sweet, I like to eat ice too. good sign." As soon as that thought finishes, he slips in into my mouth and makes out with me real expert like. It was nice, but I still don't know him, plus I hate having to watch others' PDA so I pulled away cutely, but not before he bites my lower lip SO bad. I get being cute and  little lip nibbling is nice, but it broke skin and my eyes watered. I give him this look like "are you kidding me?!" but he just smiles and goes back to doing the same thing. I get that I'm giving more details than necessary, but just know that six days later I still have bite marks on my lip and the hickey I got as an added bonus is just beginning to respond to cover up.

We danced, all four of us, drank some more, had an alright time. When yolie and I wanted to leave, he invited me over his place at which point I lost a lot of respect for him. I gave him this half laugh, a peck on the cheek and left. Didn't walk me to the door, didn't call me a cab, all because I wasn't going home with him. Still, even after this I had hope. I texted him the next day, asking him out for a beer, so we could actually talk. I didn't get a reply, no sign from him for two days. I decided to just call him, to see where he was in all this, because I didn't want to waste my time anymore. He was super relaxed, offered no explanation why I didn't hear from him. Somehow... the conversation ended with him inviting himself over the next night... and me accepting? I feel silly writing this, but at the time I was so dumbbb. 

So I stressed about him coming over for the night a lot. I cleaned, showered, bought wine, ugh. Then, that day, my roommate had church choir practice and forgot her keys, so she asked if I could drop them off for her. I did, and instead of leaving right away, I stayed for the service. Disclosure: I don't know where I stand with religion. I'm technically romanian orthodox, but I doubt a lot. I don't go to church often, I don't know what to believe. I don't have faith. I am so jealous of people who are comfortable with their religion or lack thereof. I guess I'm agnostic, but that's that's pretty much a cover for "I don't know, stop asking me questions." Anyway, I stayed for the service, and although I always felt guilty going to church when I was little because I always thought of random stuff instead of praying, that's what I did. Churches are really pretty to me. I feel they're really conducive to thinking things out, and it worked this time too. 

I realized I'm not this person I'm becoming. I would have never accepted to be treated this way by a guy. He's making basically no effort then invites himself over and all I have to say is "okay"? I just wanted a relationship SO badly. I hate not having someone more than usual, and I guess I lost track of some of my standards in the process. I dislike myself for it, but I guess it's good that I recognize it. So about church. I just thought during the whole service and by the time I walked out, I knew what I wanted to do. I called him and told him he couldn't come over, that I felt he wasn't making an effort to get to know me, and that I think we want different things. 

He's called a few times, all at night, all inebriated. Can I tell you guys the best part? He texted me after I broke things off to ask me if I wanted to see the "new harry potter movie in november." Usually I dismiss his texts, but this one piqued my curiosity. I furrowed my brow and wondered if Half Blood Prince came out crazy late here, texted him back asking him what he was talking about. He replies with "didn't u say u liked harry potter? the vampire chick and her bf? with the werewolf?" 

FACE PALM. 

that is all, ish. I got the big parts down, and it took me all day in random chunks. More tomorrow about more diverse topics, not just fail boys. I missed you guys!

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.