june thirtieth.

I'm at my friend's summer home, and there IS internet! No one seems as excited about this as me. Today was a rushed day. I woke up at 10.36 and my train left at exactly 11.03. I still don't understand how I started/finished packing, got lost, and still made it. It's nice here, but different than what I'm used to. There's a grandma figure who cooks for us, and a big house with many rooms that reminds me of my own, and in the end, it's more of a tease than comforting. I want my house, with my family, and my own grandma. Or at least to go back to Bucharest and be able to do things the way I'm used to. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"
-john mayer.

I realize the quote and my situation are completely different, but that's how I'm interpreting it tonight.

xox,
loveacrosstheocean.

june twenty-ninth.

Do you ever have days that just seem like all your emotions are crashing down around you? 

That's how today was. I pulled an all-nighter studying for biochemistry, as in NO sleep. I was running on the pressure to do well and my reluctant body. Yolie and I got to school obscenely early (7.30) when our exams were at 10.30. We did this to prevent distractions, and it worked. Unfortunately, I reached that point in studying where NOTHING else will fit in your brain, and whatever's in there already is getting mushed up into one large, incorrect piece of information. True story. I had to learn SO many different values. For bilirubin, the metabolization of iron, uric acid, lipase, LDH, CK... and so many more. Along with their respective values I needed to know how they were formed, their (many) roles, how things can go wrong, how said problems manifest themselves... everything. I felt sick to my stomach when I looked at the clock at it showed a cheery 10.13. I started panicking, coming up with worst case scenarios, thinking about just leaving to avoid the possibility of failing and taking it in the fall, anything to just get out of there. 10.30 comes and goes, so does 10.45. I was starting to think our professor forgot, that I'd be able to leave and study some more... when she comes in. I just remember forcing myself to breathe normally, to calm down. Apparently she had to be somewhere at 11.00, so she was in a huge rush. She gave me ONE subject from each semester, so two total, and told us to just write about it and give it to this lady she was leaving in her place. I was dumbfounded. We were supposed to get more than one subject, and it was supposed to be oral. The luxury of writing your thoughts down and piling them into cute, organized chunks is rare here. I think I did well enough to at least pass, but you never know... 

Still, it was over and it had taken such a toll on me. I went home, stripped my clothes off, and collapsed into my comforting bed for some much-needed sleep. I had really disturbing dreams, a lot of which really bothered me. This is weird because I never get nightmares, let alone so many at once. I woke up in a weird mood, thought too much about things, and put THIS on repeat. The last one is pretty much asking to cry, but I felt like that's what I needed at the moment. I love The Conversation to begin with, but Julia's video is so full of vulnerability and truth, it's like the definition of how I interpret that song. Also, Miss Nunes was followed by a song off Regina Spektor's new album: Laughing With. It just fueled my crying binge some more, and I'm not liking this mood. I leave tomorrow morning for the mountain for real this time, and I'm still not packed. Sigh. 

Do you remember how we met?
Silhouetted by the lights...
You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands
I was thinking about that
And a bunch of other things
Stop looking at the floor...
I need to pour out this expansive dose of words.

I can't explain...
I need to be alone.

I know the timing isn't great
But these things, you just can't plan.
I just need a little time
So I can find myself again
'Cause I get buried underneath
All the things they think you are
And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt 
To be left out

I had a pocket full of dreams
But I gave them all to you
Now I think I want them back
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?
Don't ever change
The way you are
I've never loved anyone more.

-the conversation, motion city soundtrack. 

xox, 

loveacrosstheocean.

[photo caption: "You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands"]

june twenty-eighth.

Today is awesome because I attempted to chew an entire pack of gum. It was bubblegum flavor, so after about the... second (lol) piece I was ready to spit (...that's what she said.) Yolie and I were at Starbuck's studying and I thought this was a fantastic idea. Of the 14 pieces that were in there, I managed to get 10 in. It was ridiculous. We were quiet for so long, and once I got this idea, the floodgates opened. At the risk of sounding incredibly childish, I love those moments where I want to do something, and I realize I CAN, that my parents aren't there to stop me. I am realizng that sentence is too messed up to redeem myself, but I shall try. OBVIOUSLY I could have tried wasting gum back home, when I was out with my friends, but I've never thought to. Maybe that was a shitty example. At the mall one time, I saw gum balls (GAH! again with the gum) I'm frusterated now. Maybe I was denied gum as a child and never realized it until now... But whatever. At the mall that day I bought two gum balls and ate them... because I was never allowed when I was little. Giddy euphoria floods my system when I leave my apartment at 3.00AM and think nothing of it. I love doing my own thing so much, but at the same time am aware that "doing my own thing" would not be at all possible with the generous (financial) support of my parents. 

Still, it's really humbling when I think about it. I came here almost 10 months ago, knowing one person, with whom I rarely talk now, and I've managed to not fail school and weave friendships and piece together my own version of this chapter in my life. Traveling is absolutely life changing. You leave what you're used to, your comfortable lifestyle and trade it for uncertainty and second guesses. It took me a good while to understand this is how it works, and I would not change it for anything. Heck yeah, I miss my sisters and cousins and friends, but... still. I would do this again in a heartbeat. I've changed more in this one year than I have in... many years put together. This super nostalgic/contemplative post is brought to you by my raging hormones, who credit the change in my birth control, and the fact than in one month at this time I'll be back in Michigan, with my first year of med school completed. Also, this guy. I found him through blogger's "note worthy" blogs or something, and I am enthralled with his journey. Just check him out. I know SO many people who say they want to travel, but end up living their entire lives in the same town,  save the occasional trip over the border to Canada to binge drink. I'm not sure how to say what I want without sounding like a superior bitch. I'll leave it at that, I guess. Three weeks of exams left (five more!) and then one week of... somewhere. We still haven't booked tickets for Ibiza, but might up going to Madrid or Brussels. 

Shower time, then Yolie's for an all-nighter for biochem in the morning. Wheee. 

ALSO, this song is my favoritefavoritefavoritefavorite. I cannot stop listening. CANNOT. ughhhhhhh ♥

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

[photo caption: yeah, he has googly eyes. jealous?]

june twenty-seventh.

It's Saturday night.

I'm home alone.

And I'm spending it with my human anatomy atlas.

It's early enough to still go out for beer, but no one will go since they're being responsible and studying.

I just painted my toenails pink. Gross.

I'm turning into one of those girls.

Whatever, I'm in a pissy mood. I'm going to watch The Penguins of Madagascar. 

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

june twenty-sixth.

I'm going to see Craig David tonight!!! I am SO excited. I loved him back in middle school, and I can honestly say he was one of the few artists I would randomly wonder about from time to time when he went MIA for a few years. 

I LIED (the way I mean to say this is how Amy Poehler says it at 1:12) about going to the mountains yesterday. I mean, I was supposed to, but I lied last minute and got out of going... until Monday I think. 

Yolie called me and we went out completely unplanned. I decided it was a wise choice to not put contacts in or look in the mirror before leaving... LOL. It was raining, apparently? That was fun, we walked in depressing rain for about a half hour looking for a hookah place, or more accurately, me walked sulkingy blind behind Yolie complaining. We were ready to give up when she suggested we go down this really shady alley. Being blind, and seeing everything as black anyway, I agree. It reminded me SO  much of Diagon Alley, plus I have this incredibly serious theory that Yolie is Voldemort and I'm Harry Potter, and it made sense. I shall explain at a later time. But we found hookah! I was craving mint flavored hookah for such a long time, but they were out so we settled for watermelon. We left at about midnight, when Yolie suggests we go clubbing. I mull over the fact that it's raining, I am blind, dressed completely inappropriately for the club, and promptly give an enthusiastic "hell yeah!" as my answer. Good times were had, another night where I trick my sleep schedule was added to my running total, and realizations about how much I'm going to miss it here over the summer bombarded me. And Michael Jackson died? I found out through twitter, when I got home at 6.00AM, and it was too weird to handle so I went to bed. RIP though. Housemates are all leaving for the weekend, the apartment will be really weird empty. I need to shower and clean before THIS tonight : )

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

june twenty-fifth.

I PASSED ONE OF MY INTENSE EXAMS TODAY! I GET FOUR CREDITS FOR THIS TERRIBLE CLASS THAT HAS STRESSED ME OUT SO MUCH! I'M DONE WITH IT. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Sorry for the caps, it was necessary. I'm really happy right now.

I told a friend I'd go with her to her summer home this weekend, and totallllllly do not want to anymore. I didn't sleep last night, and now all I want to do is go have beer and celebrate with my classmates, NOT pack/shower/rush. UGH. AND the worst part is there was a misunderstanding, and she thought I was staying the ENTIRE next week, since our next exam is on July 6, but I have a biochem exam left over from first semester that I have to take on Monday, and I definitely can't/DO NOT WANT to stay that long in the middle of nowhere. She made me feel really shitty about it, like it was my fault I didn't tell her. Merr. Maybe she should have told me her (terrible) plan and I would have shot it down earlier? Le sigh. Be back Sunday, have a lovely weekend!

xox,

loveacrosstheocean : )

june twenty-third.

Last night was the last huzzah before seriously starting to crack down for exams. I didn't listen to my body and pushed the limits, ending up with my head out the window next to a really calm earwig. I couldn't talk, but my brain was going a million miles an hour. I remember thinking how much I hated earwigs, but couldn't move because I felt like throwing up. This earwig was so chill, though. He didn't move, we just laid there together. I did end up throwing up though, and all I could think about was how in biochemistry we learned about what your body produces more of when you vomit, and also in physiology about the peristalsis movement that allows you to be able to throw up. I wanted to say all this, but I was kind of busy. It was a bad high overall, I should have taken it easy. 

Galati was meh. My grandma fed me a lot, but the train rides were terrible. Highlight of the trip was when we were called in after four hours of waiting outside to apply for the Romanian type of ID and I was accused of being two different people. [my birth certificate says only "Anda" but everything else like my passport says "Anda Maria" LOL.]

aaaaand here is what I do at coffee shops instead of studying: 

hello hello, love.

me-

tiny cups of cappuccinos,

bobby pins warmed by shining sun

sitting directly under it, 

lukewarm arms, dangerously hot BlackBerry

comfortably, warmly, numb.

ocean-

cold.

dark.

dangerous.

vast.

dangerously, dangerously unknown.

you- 

hello hello, love. 

tiny ears, fluttering heart

sloppy ponytails, sloppy emotions.

doubt, uncertainty, overflowing feelings

like fizzy, warm beer.

too gross to drink, but why waste?

uncomfortably numb, comfortably numb.

hello hello, love.

there isn't much of a difference between us and the ocean, after all. 

xox,

loveacrosstheocean. 

[photo caption: greatest postcard ever. If it's literally not loveacrosstheocean, I don't know what is.]

june twenty-first.

I have so much more time for... everything pretty much, now that I'm off facebook. It's seriously insane. I actually get shit done, and have time left over. This is SUCH a weird concept to me. I'm definitely glad I decided to do it, but I have withdrawals sometimes. I'm feeding said withdrawals with blockles and lots of diet coke. No but really. I am SO much better at blockles, and now when I waste two hours playing it doesn't really matter because that's it! It won't be followed by three hours of creeping on facebook. Huzzah! As for diet coke... I don't know. I have the strongest cravings, it sucks but I love it. LOL. Just re-read that sentence. I've decided it could be worse-- I mean, the "diet" part could be gone, then I'd just be addicted to coke. INSTANT UPGRADE :D

Ohhh welcome to my life. I far too often think I'm the funniest person ever, this theory being supported by... me. Moving on.

I'm listening to Gifted (treasure fingers remix) by N.A.S.A because it is fantastic, and I just heard him say "I'm gifted/Merry Christmas." ughhhhhh. word play! get it? Like presents, christmas? I seriously think word play is hot. Megan McCafferty's Jessica Darling series (I'm on the fourth one) is chock full of it, I love it. I adore Kanye West and Lil Wayne, because contrary to what my parents think, their lyrics really are more clever than your average rapper's. 

Other things that are hot? This waiter at the Italian restaurant I went to yesterday. I ordered pasta, and he asks if I want cheese sprinkled on. Pre-menstrual, we remember, right? I obvi said yes, and he starts dusting my delicious carbs with such care. In a swift movement he takes a spoon and lifts the pasta up, to get under to the part that hasn't been graced by parmesan, and evenly distributes it everywhere. I was in serious salivation overload. I know it's unhealthy, the relationship I have with food, but it's as if this guy UNDERSTOOD. I know I'm making too big a deal about this, but I've had parmesan sprinkled on my food before, and no one took this much time to make me happy. 

One more thing then I have to start getting ready to leave, my train for my grandparents' is at 2.30. I was at church today, near the back because I had to leave early, when my olfactory organ was assaulted with the stench of cheap perfume-- A LOT of it. As luck would have it, this pungent woman decides to stand directly in front of me, asphyxiating me with her  thick hair. I move back and hit the wall. Awesome, I'm trapped. I sit there and pray she moves (LOL.) and I guess my prayer was answered(ish). This part where you say this one thing (I fail at church stuff, stfu.) comes, and you can kneel if you want. OKAY. This chick, who was wearing booty shorts, mind you, DROPS to the ground like the second coming is here, but instead of kneeling, it looks more like she's partaking in girl on top. Not even exaggerating. I look around, because I need another place to move, as she's gyrating on my right foot and I felt uncomfortable, when she starts whispering what was being said. If you surveyed 100 people and showed them just her position, outfit, and let them hear her voice, I am certain 95 of them would say she was taking part in amateur porn, and 0 would guess she was in church. SUCH an awkward experience. I left shortly after. Now I have to get ready to go to Galati for a night, I'll be back tomorrow!

xox,

loveacrosstheocean. 

[photo caption: coke addiction ; ) ]

june twentieth.

Tonight reminded me why I greatly dislike a majority of girls. It was a good friend's birthday, and she insisted I go out with a bunch of mutual/her friends to celebrate. I'm insanely pre-menstrual at the moment, and to be perfectly honest, I was excited about the prospect of spending Saturday night at home in short shorts, an oversized tee, with crinkle fries and diet coke, watching The Holiday for the 23,432 time. But alas, plans change. So I put the fries back in the freezer and went to tackle the task of getting ready. I wore a dress, but no heels. This was my attempt at meeting my pissed off body half way. BUT IT WOULD HAVE NONE OF THAT. I had one freaking beer and felt like a blimp. I was ready to scream "OKAY! YOU WIN! CRINKLE FRIES IT IS, I'M GOING!" But this would probably alarm some people. 

I shortly learned that the group of girls I was out with were the type I steered clear of. The type that are super gorgeous, but make The Grinch's heart look big. They turn their already upturned noses at every guy who bravely approaches them, and spend more time pulling out their spilling breasts in the bathroom than actually dancing. I am a DANCE MACHINE, so I was like "peace outtt" and pulled my birthday friend after me. After going out with Yolie so many times, I know we're both comfortable dancing by ourselves, what type of music we like, ect. My friend was SO awkward. She really doesn't know her place on the dance floor unless it's fixated in front of a guy, bent over most of the time, or in a Dane Cook "fuck shoes" circle of females. I was pretty disappointed. The guys that were hitting on us (read: them) were the type Yolie and I make fun of, the ones that remind us of fuckin' jager bombs. I felt weird being there. Probably the worst part is just that I didn't feel appreciated for coming out. Like, I didn't tell her about the abandonment of fatty foods so I could attend, but it's not like I really could, as she was too busy with everyone else there. Just because I refused to act like a mindless drone meant that I was shunned from their clique. Meh, whatever. Next time I'll know better. So kids, what have we learned? Yes, that's right: comfort food > shitty friends. 

I'm going to my grandparents' Sunday night coming back on Monday. I still haven't bought a ticket, whoops. I have to go to church, and pack, all before an hour I'm unsure of. What uppp, procrastination?! 

Also, on an unrelated note, I clicked on the top trending topic on twitter today, (helllllo, alliteration.) #IranElection, and was shocked. I vaguely know what's going on, mostly due to this and a little bit of other sleuthing on my own. In the two minutes I read through tweets, I was at a loss for words. Tweet after retweet was talking about acid being sprayed on protesters in the streets, links given to pictures of bloody civilians, all credit given to "Iran", as they can't credit the original tweeter for fear of their safety. I feel so uneducated and lame. I plastered on a green overlay on my twitter picture, to "show support for democracy in Iran" but really, what am I doing to truly help? Nothing. People in Iran fighting, risking their lives for something they believe in, those are the true people doing all the work. It feels kind of like an insult, the green overlay. Like those stupid magnetic ribbons for our troops you can slap on your car (they have one for everything these days-- autism, suicide prevention, breast cancer...) By sticking a magnet on the back of your car are you for realsies doing anything to genuinely help? Probably like $0.30 of that $3.00 magnet will be going to "research" but I think the buyer gets the most out of it-- the feeling you're actually contributing when you're really not. 

I'm going to figure out how I can help with the situation in Iran. I don't want that fake piece of mind I could get by giving money, and if I do donate, I want to know for sure what will be bought with it. According to tweets, the Canadian embassy in Iran is turning away injured victims... appalling. Word got out via twitter, and Canadians and concerned people alike flooded the foreign affairs offices with protests. THAT is doing something. I wrote my e-mail before starting this entry, but I feel that's not enough. I'm making it a goal to be more informed about the developments in Iran. I leave you with a video that made me cry.  Here is Neda's story. RIP ♥

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

june nineteenth. (2)

Tonight has exceeded the normal/allotted amount of suckage necessary. My housemates were shitty regarding our plan for tonight, I don't really want to write about it. The season premiere of Weeds was a few weeks ago, I completely forgot about it. I remembered tonight, and found that the second episode was also out. I was so excited, but was really let down. Things are moving really slowly compared to past seasons, I'm not impressed. I don't want to study anymore, I want to enjoy the time I have left here. That being said, I'm trying to find tickets to book for a week-long vacation after exams. The weird thing is the price difference between booking tickets for like tonight and booking for a month from now is virtually undetectable. I found crazy cheap ones on Wizzair.com but after reading reviews I'm seeing why... They have this terms and conditions thing that reserves the right to modify price/time/date up to THREE hours before take-off. And from the reviews, apparently this happens often. Boo. If anyone reading this knows of a good site to buy airplane tickets, I'd appreciate it if you let me knowww.

In other fail news, there's an earwig somewhere in my room, near my bed and I'm freaking out. EARlier (get it, get it??) today I saw it by my desk, so I sprayed it with Lysol. It twitched and crawled away to a sneaky place. As I'm looking for tickets, I see it on the wall near my bed. I took like 43 tissues and willed myself to get it. Yeah... I dropped it. So now it's somewhere... but closer to me. AND I just remembered there's goldfish under my bed... so it can get nourishment and have more time to plot against me. In all seriousness, I am terrified. I would search earwigs on google to find out what the worst case scenario could be, but I refuse to look at any pictures of them. I think I'm going to put cotton in my ears. I keep thinking if I wake up and it's on me... fuck I hate this. I wish I had a bubble to sleep in. Blah.

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

june nineteenth.

It's FRIDAY. Time came through once again. 

Last night was so great. I had too many moments that either revealed things or made me see things in a different light. The words aren't really flowing from my fingertips, making me think that such experiences can't be neatly categorized into blog entries. 

Hypem.com still continues to blow my mind. I've accumulated so much music over the past three days, music that is so GOOD. Again, I'm lacking in the descriptive word department. 

I'll see what the weekend has in store : )

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

[photo caption: nintendo mouse = made of win.]

june seventeenth.

I passed my cellular biology exam... and I am drained. This week is just one big emotional roller coaster, and I can't wait to get off. (that's what she said.) For my exam today, my professor called out your name, followed by what your subject was. He called me, I answered, and he gave me a subject, "ways to control" No joke. In Romanian it's "mod de control" and I seriously sat there for 15 minutes with my mouth a bit open. (that's kind of what she said.) Ways to control????!!! What. The. Fuck. I was racking my brain, willing it to give me anything other than the image of Plankton I had in my head, something that pertained to cellular biology. The tricky thing is, teachers get pissy when you write about random crap to make it seem like you know what you're saying, so I couldn't do that. I had NO clue WHAT this was referring to. It could have been microscopes, mitochondria, or even marking a slide to indicate what it shows. The gamut of possibilities was too large for me to bullshit. So I sulk there for an hour, contemplating my shitty luck as my classmates all wrote feverishly. He called us up one by one to discuss our subjects, and he finally gets to me. [we were told to be there at 2.00 PM. He didn't show up until 4.12 PM, and only took in 7 people at a time. There were about 36 students. We were there for a really, really long time.] So by the time he calls me up, I've been awake for over 42 hours, have not eaten ANYTHING, like not even gum, and just spent the last three hours pacing outside being nervous/looking at a blank piece of paper thinking about Spongebob. He goes "Okay, now you're going to tell me about "mod de cultura. Go ahead."

WHAT?? WHAT?!!! Did he just say "culture" NOT "control"?? Yes. Yes he did. I heard him wrong and wasted an hour not writing anything. I explain this to him and he looks at me, real puzzled like, probably wondering how I go into med school in the first place. It was terrible, time dragged on, I was sweating and dizzy and positive I was going to fail. After an eternity [15 minutes] he thanks me and tells me I'm free to go. I leave as fast as my neglected body can take me, then proceed to wait another hour for my result. At 7.23 the last people come out, and he calls us all in. I got a 6, which is like a D. Really bad, right? Yeah, but 10 = perfect and a lot of teachers don't give those out, so 7,8,9 are really good. 5  is passing, 6 is my favorite. Grading wasn't fair, people who did terribly got higher marks than people who knew their shit, tears were cried once we left the building. I MUST remember to take pictures of my school, it is so beautiful. It reminds me of Hogwarts errrday. Okay, it's 12.55 AM, I have a 3AM alarm to study for my two biochemistry exams at 8AM. Love this lifestyle : (

xox,

loveacrosstheocean. 

june sixteenth.

Dear Old Woman on the Subway This Morning at 5.43AM,

I pity you. I wish to never end up stereotypically wenchy as you when I am old. Did you sleep last night? Not well you say? I'm sorry. I know, my grandparents wake up pretty early too. Is that why you were on the subway as the world above was just beginning to come alive, the decidedly deep blue sky signaling the start of a new day? You didn't notice the color of the sky you say? Hm. That's too bad, it was cute. Maybe one needs to pull an all nighter and see only physiology related topics float in front of them in order to appreciate said color. Maybe not. Old Woman, I'm not always nice. I regress into a toddler when sleep deprived, and since I am expected to uphold some semblance of SRS med student, I try my best to disguise this. So sometimes, I opt to sit when there's a seat available. I know we can at least relate on this. How do I know? Easy! The vile looks you kept shooting me as I remained rooted to my spot bore in my dry contact eyes. Would I normally get up and let a much older frail woman have my seat? Heck yes. But this morning? No, my dear Woman. I had not slept in 36 hours, I had three upcoming exams that day, and the prospect of having to function above average for the next 12 hours made me inwardly recoil. So yes, I stayed in my seat and did not relinquish said cold plastic chair until my stop arrived. Did you stop to think for a second I might be having a bad day? Bad week? No? I was. You were quick to write me off as a new generation youngster with no respect for their elders, iPod headphones and thumping music (that was keeping me awake) giving me away. Your loss. 

Yolie told me a story a while ago that I still think about from time to time, I'd like to immortalize it via blog entry. She remembers her grandma looking out the window when Yolie was younger, and asking her if she ever thought time went by really fast. Yolie, being about seven and having problems that were easily fixed with band aids and popsicles replied a cheery "Nope." Her grandma smiled wisely, albeit a bit sadly. Yolie pressed on, giving reason for her monosyllabic answer. "No, it's like when time goes by really slowly and you want to go to a friend's house, but time is TOO SLOW." Her grandma decided to drop the subject, this was after all, a young child. She couldn't be expected to understand. 

Yolie couldn't relate to her grandma's view point, this I thought about immediately as she was telling the story. But neither could her grandma. She thought she had all these decades of experience, time eerily seeming to go by faster, but could she relate to Yolie's example? Could she conscientiously acknowledge the time in her life when she was seven and antsy? No. I don't think so.  You grow older and wiser, or that's what you want to believe. Age is just a number, you need to act the way you want to be treated. Being old should not automatically be reason to have people pity you, give up their seat. I'm willing to bet this woman can't relate to my sleep deprived student state. But maybe she was where I am once upon a time. It's up to us to remember things aren't always black or white. 

I'm watching the same colored sky appear before my eyes as I cram for my cellular biology exam today. I hope I can remember it when I'm old and this situation comes full circle. 

Lastly, I am addicted to this site. I am realizing how sheltered my musical tastes are, I've gotten a different flavor and I'm addicted. I would literally spend hours searching for new music if I had no other responsibilities. SO GOOD.

Sincerely,

loveacrosstheocean.

june fifteenth.

I was in the subway today, and I swear sometimes my shuffle just wants to mess with me. Sam's Town by The Killers came on, followed by Samson by Regina Spektor. These songs make me so sad, and yup, I start thinking. [The crazyyy thing is I logged in to write this, and Joe (disneykid1) posted a blog talking about this same thing. He argues that we put too much meaning in media (music, movies, shows) when they really don't have anything to do with us] I agree with this, but it doesn't change the fact that I still get terribly contemplative and nostalgic when I hear a song that I've made up a meaning for. I have no clue what Samson or Sam's Town are really about, and I've never made an effort to find out, because I've created and attached my own feelings. Blah I don't know, I really should pick another week to spend this much time mulling over errrthing. 

The way of life over here is just different. This statement is the product of many hours of thinking, observing, and history lessons from my classmates. Romania will celebrate its 2o year anniversary since the fall of communism this December. TWENTY YEARS. That's how old I (almost) am. While America and other countries such as like, such as. [JOKES.] But really, while the rest of the world was advancing, communist countries were stunted in so many ways. You had to have a different attitude to survive. (I've been told the most atrocious stories by my classmates who had their parents tell them what they went through. Another time, definitely) Now, all the old people who lived through the communist ways are rooted in their beliefs, still have that cold, "I do what I need to do" attitude. You still see it in line at the supermarket, when they would rather fight than let anyone ahead of them in line, or in the quick snap of a door closing on your fingers because come on now, there's no time for frivolous things like door holding. This was all a big back story to me witnessing three separate acts of kindness today, and making me feel like I might have hope in humanity again. (deep, I know.)

I'm off to get ready to meet Yolie for coffee, then pull an all-nighter at her place for my three exams tomorrow. Wish me luck!

xox,

loveacrosstheocean. 

[photo caption: twinsies! (my fantastically talented cousin Julie painted that for me. Jealousssss?)]

june fourteenth.

I am not ready for this week to begin. I start thinking too much for my own good, and it ends up being so counterproductive that I get even less done than before. For example, today after my alarm relentlessly rang every minute after I hit snooze (note to self: CHANGE THE FREAKING SETTING ALREADY!) I kind of laid there, in a pissed off/contemplative mood. I started thinking about how soon my anatomy exams are coming up, about how fast this year has gone by, about how slow time crawls when you really want something, but in reality it moves at the same pace, always. A minute is a minute whether you're waiting for a loved to come through doors at the airport or dreadingly anticipating outside the door of your anatomy lab to take a three hour oral exam. In the first case, you cannot wait. A minute seems too long, time is being lazy. In the latter, you make all sorts of deals with a god you're not sure exists, making promises you're sure you won't keep, if only this terrible event stays father away than it is. Time makes no such concessions, though. It is cold, impartial, to your petty needs. Yeah, life is weird.

My housemate's boyfriend came home from Jerusalem tonight. He's doing his master's degree in theology over there, and is gone for most of the year. He's finished exams and since this apartment is his, technically (his dad died this winter) he gets a free place to stay. This is no biggie, as I have my own room and I do what I please... BUT. As I went to pee, I found the shower curtain not pulled back to how it was after a shower, the toilet seat up, the bottle of soap on the wrong side of the sink and water pooled all around the sink. NO. It took so long to be on the same page as my housemates about cleaning, as I didn't want to come off as bitchy in the beginning. By now we kind of all know what pisses everyone off, and no matter how dumb said thing is, we do it out of mutual respect. Cut to tonight: me pulling the shower curtain back, so it can dry off and not get moldy, toilet seat down, (and a touch of Lysol for good measure) and wiping the sink so the accumulated water doesn't sit there for weeks and grow nastiness. I'm not about to tell him how to live in his apartment, but I pay rent, and in common areas we all use, I think it's just polite to respect others' wishes, no matter how insignificant they seem to you. (/rant)

My mom called me today, like she always does. Lately we haven't been getting along, and I'm going to go ahead and say it's her fault. No, this isn't meant to be some angsty teen blog, but our relationship has been forced to change since I moved across the ocean. I was so dependent on her at first. I called every day, usually in tears, looking for sympathy and support, which I often received. Now I'm actually having a good time, and daily phone calls are no longer needed. I feel so guilty when I'm out with people and my cell phone rings and it's her, as she pays ten cents a minute to call me on there, and that's only after I haven't answered at home. I usually don't answer my cell either. I know how bitchy this sounds, truly. She does so much for me, and I truly, truly appreciate that. But for the past three weeks all she calls me about is to tell me how I can't fuck up, that I need to take precautions so I pass all my exams. By precautions she means lining up bribes with connections I don't have so that I pass. I may do things that are questionable, but seriously?? Paying off my exams? I'm really not even going to waste letters typing about why that is a terrible idea. So her idea of encouraging me is telling me to have these ludicrous plan B's and then saying "fine. fine. if you think that's a good idea then fine." in a progressively higher pitched voice. I need to find common ground with her. If we're not getting along when we're on different continents I have slight hope for when I go home. Of course, common ground can also come in the form of me actually passing all my exams, which would leave no room for debate. Sigh. 

I shall leave... you... guys...? Hmm. I shall end with a link to a fantastic video involving a nerdfighter whose song reminds me of Kimya Dawson, Paper Towns, and a lot of awesome.

OH! I almost forgot. I gave up facebook today, as it is not condusive to studying. It's super hard, I just want my password back so I can get my hit of facebook crack. It ruins lives, I tell you! Ruins livesssss : (

xox,

loveacrosstheocean.

[VIDEO caption: (hey oh! getting fancy) Nicole and Marisa doing their grandpa voices in an airport in Mexico, plus my obnoxious laughter.]

june thirteenth.

Is it weird that while I was cleaning I was talking to myself, writing this blog in my head? Yes, the answer is most likely yes. And I don't even remember what I was saying, so I have to wing this like every other one. Mmkay.

So today I cleaned my entire room. I get a lot of packages from my parents, like eight at once, so taking contents out, finding a place for them, and repeating the process eight hundred times is tedious and difficult. When I get to one box left, I'm pretty proud of myself, and put everything left over in it, and have it in my room always. This means a huge cardboard box is occupying precious space that I don't have to begin with. Today I tackled this box. I dumped it out on my comforter and threw the box away, so I was forced to find places for everything. It kind of worked. I still have some crap... but now it's in plastic bags. Upgrade! Maybe.

I changed my sheets before I did laundry, then made my bed and scattered stuff all over it, and just now after I showered and exfoliated and scrubbed I crawled into bed, and saw/smelled fresh sheets. SO NICE.

Yesterday was a hard core study day: ten hours at starbucks with pee breaks and the occasional "I'm going insane, are you??" question between Yolie and I. They kicked us out at 11, when they closed, and after we went to her apartment and drank champagne, (classy: check.) listened to hardcore rap/embarrassing songs, (trashy: check.) and smoked. ( :] check) I got home around 5.30, woke up at 3.00. No studying today :(((((((( but tomorrow for sursies. 

I'm actually going to make an appearance at church tomorrow, apppppparently people have been asking why I don't go anymore and from all my grandma's church friends I've learned church gossip is one of the worst kinds. I need to be up in seven hours. merrrr. And I can't get The Postal Service's "the district sleeps alone tonight" out of my headd:

You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

xox,

loveacrosstheocean : )

[photo caption: "dark blue" -jack's mannequin.]

june eleventh.

This morning I got home at 5.13 am, and I had to go to PE at 10.00 am. LOL.

Apparently I set my alarm for 8.50 while dancing in a club, but didn't check the "ON" button (important, right?) SO no alarm rang. I woke up at 10.20, frantically called Yolie back upon seeing the seven missed calls in the span of two hours, and apologized repeatedly for sucking and being a victim of sleep. It wasn't a big deal, because we could have either gone at 10 or 12, so we went to the latter. It was super chill, we were the only two there, so we just played and talked for an hour. We finished at 1.00, changed, and randomly decided to double check if in fact embryology make up was at 2.00. IT WASN'T. It started at 12, ended at 2. The professor was conveniently outside talking to a student (it's SO rare to FIND teachers other than when they teach, let alone talk to them) so we went up and apologized, said we thought it was at 2, blah blah. Initially she said there was nothing she could do, that it had already started, that she was sorry. We explained that we were at PE till then, that it WAS indeed our fault for misreading the bulletin board, and asked again if we could go and make up what we missed. (without the two mandatory attendances in embryology, you don't get to take the exam) By our fantastic stroke of good luck she let us in and we finished our drawings in about half an hour. She signed our papers, and wrote us down as present for both courses. SUCCESS.

The weird thing is, as I stated, we went there randomly. We were going to get a coffee till 2.00 then come back. Out of nowhere I suggested we double check, and it turned out to be an awesome call. With that out of the way and off our minds, we decided to tackle our new project: library finding. 

As we were drinking beer at an Irish pub last night, we decided that we need to start getting serious about exams. They're like a month/less than a month away and we're insanely unprepared. To remedy this, we found a library that we're going to go to errrrday. Neither one of us can study at home because of distractions (read: facebook) and this library is crazy quiet. How you see in movies quiet. All that's left to make this plan complete is actually... going. After embryo we were really hungry so we went to this fantastic Italian restaurant and I got lasagna (again) and it fulfilled me in ways I didn't know I needed to be fulfilled. Upon reflecting on the previous sentence, maybe this is why I'm not dating anyone. My heart belongs to food and I'm cheating on it with more food. And also this. Now I'm salivating, great. 

On the topic of relationships/dating, the night it was raining and we went to the rooftop patio bar, Yolie and I met two guys there. She went to the bathroom and I stayed behind and drank my beer. This guy taps me on the shoulder and asks if he can get my advice on something. We start talking, because I didn't want to be rude. Yolie gets back and sees me talking to these guys, and she enters the convo. One guy was cuter than the other, but neither were my type. The cuter ones moves his chair close to Yolie, and I'm stuck talking about flying squirrels with the other. (seriously. He asked if I knew what they were/that they existed. I said yes, and he proceeded to describe them in detail for ten minutes.) I wasn't really into talking anymore, but I look to my left and see Yolie and her guy having an intense conversation about religion. I could tell she liked him, so when she asked if I wanted a fourth beer, I agreed. She could tell I was only saying yes for her sake, so I assured her it was okay and we stayed. When they left, her guy asked for her number and talked about meeting up again. I really am happy for her, no matter what I'm about to type. So the past couple of days she's been telling me what he's been texting her, asking my advice on what to do in general, things like that. Because I'm not a completely horrible person, I tell her she should definitely go for it if she likes him, that she should accept his invitation to go out tonight. Inside, though, I'm jealous. I have issues, yeah, and I know that, but I am jealous. Guys hit on her all the time. It gets to me after a while. The other thing is that a boy = time spent with him. This equals less time spent with me. We just went through a period where we didn't talk for two months, I've missed her. PLUS her mom is here, and he dad's coming on Saturday and staying for three weeks. She wants to spend time with him, and exams are going on, so this means I won't be able to go out with her for a real long time. Sigh. I'll see how things work out. 

Last night was brilliant, though. We went to Starbucks and felt like we were back home. It was PERFECT walking weather so instead of taking the subway we walked for 45 minutes towards my place, where we went to a nearby Irish pub. After two pints, she suggested we go clubbing since she can't this weekend, and I agreed. It was a blast. Since it was Wednesday, pretty much no one was there, but after much social lubrication in the form of Heineken beer, we were dancing without inhibitions. Not slutty, just a genuinely good time. The music was perfect and loud and I could feel my feet remembering to move. Best part is that it was unplanned, and as it usually is, that made it so much better. 

I really should do laundry as I haven't in a month, and attempt studying. The second task will go better (hopefully) starting Monday when I give up facebook for exams. I'll be back July 19, but until then I need to not have the option to check facebook every seven minutes. It'll be hard, but I need to slow my addiction before I need serious help... yeah I'm going to go check facebook, byeeee.

xox,

loveacrosstheocean : )

[photo caption: Yolie being blasphemous :p]

june ninth.

I suck at updating, but I know that once I hit "new post" words just come so easily. I really hope I keep this creative side of me going through med school. Not being nonchalant or anything, but I really don't have a creative side to begin with. I draw stick people. My five year old sister expresses herself better than me in her kindergarden art projects than I ever have. My cousins, Denis and Julie, have such ridiculous talent that I actually have to tell myself to stop being jealous and appreciate what I see before me. Seriously. I guess I was never really encouraged to doodle or express myself through art, so I know(ish) why I'm like this. But I can write. (this TOTALLY reminds me of natalie's video! hahahahahaha) Or I like to think I can. And I enjoy it. Blog updates and deep facebook messages remind me this is true, and I need to keep being reminded. It is much too easy to fall prey to the cold, scientific reasoning of anatomy, where this are one way and that's that. Or the technical measurement of bile production in physiology, where the only time they aren't so are when there's something wrong with your liver. 

I need to continue listening to music that nurtures my soul and makes me walk with a little more bounce in my step. I need to continue doing what makes me happy, because I have a long way to go before I finish med school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be one of those doctors that has hella cold hands when they listen to your heart under your clothes, or that asks you if you smoke pot as they're checking your ears in a menacing voice (true story, yo) No thanks, that's not me.

I've been slacking in the school aspect, like studying-wise, but excelling in the smoking and having good conversation aspect of it. As I walked home tonight with a slight beer buzz, listening to the cacophony that is traffic in Bucharest, and wind whipping at my skirt's hem, I realized how much I'll miss this once I'm back home in Sterling Heights. The only movement there is the thudding of my internal organs as some daddy's-boy Chaldean drives by in his bad ass beemer. I'll have a curfew there, along with responsibilities and probably also a normal sleep schedule. (I KNOW, right?! who wants that... screw you, circadian rhythm!) 

Maybe I need that, though. I need to stay grounded (not literally, GOD please not literally) and remember that nine months ago that was my life. And I need to process this, and deal with it for about a month and a half. I don't mean to make it sound that horrible, I just mean that it'll be so weird to have to ask for permission to go out, and be quiet when I come back, and NOT at five in the morning. I really, really like my freedom here. I hope I'll do well enough to pass all my exams, then it'll kind of feel like I deserve it.

Last night I met up with my friend Yolie and had a few beers at this outdoor patio bar located ON A ROOF. I reallllly wanted to get close to the edge and pull a Lonely Island... "everybody look at me, 'cause I'm standing on a ROOF!" myeah, I didn't. It was drizzling, but we smoked a joint (it's legal here, and I have no moral objections, so shut it.) so I was like comfortably warm. It was just too perfect. I experience so many moments here where I want to bottle them, because they're just so good. After we went back to her place and stopped to get a burger and fries at this 24-hour stand that makes SUCH good food. Like, you know the Spongebob episode where he puts ketchup smileys on the pickles and tucks them in with cheese? Yeah, this guy was like putting lovein my food. SO cute. We went back to her place and ate and smoked some more, got home at around 4.30, went to bed without brushing my teeth, and had teeth sweaters the next morning : (

Tonight was pretty much the same as last night, sans pot, plus finding this fantastic store and buying two pairs of earrings. Tomorrow (today, actually. It's 1.56 am) I have a biochemistry exam that I thought was next week... but we can take it today, and since I have to take both semesters' worth, I was talked into taking one tomor... today. So I should maybe stop singing along Mika's Relax remix... I am ashamed. And start freaking studying! Maybe. But before I go, music wise, I'm really feeling the Junior Boys (Alex Smoke remix) of Too Young. I've loved this song for so long, but the remix is like seven minutes, and perfect for smoking or contemplating life while on the subway or people watching over a beer or five. 

moar updatez later, kbaiiiiiiiiii

xox,

loveacrosstheocean <3

[photo caption: new earrings! They have sunflowers painted on, and are hand made out of clay.]

june fourth.

My days have been pretty lovely as of late. 

I'm happy to report that I'm still living beautifully, and I'm still as cliche as ever. YEAH!

Yesterday I wore a skirt and it was so nice out! "Headphones" by I'm From Barcelona came on shuffle on my iPod and I was walking to school and I turned it up a little louder than necessary, and it just gave me the most euphoric feeling. Without trying or meaning to, that song became my song for the day. I hummed it in line at the market, and played it again when I took the subway home that evening. It was so perfect. Today, as I was rushing to school, I hit "shuffle songs" and out of the thousand songs I have on there, it picked "Raindrops" by Basement Jaxx. This is a song I recently was told about, and it's so fantastically summery. It was appropriate, since I wore a dress and golden flats and my shoulders were bare and ahhh. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of describing this, but music is pretty hard to describe. I just feel it. I've decided my shuffle can't be this smart all the time, but I love having music that matches my mood/weather, so I'll cheat and keep hitting "next" till I find something if necessary :p

Actually, I know what I'll cheat with already: "Kids" (soulwax remix) by MGMT. 

I love music. 

I love learning about the heart in anatomy. 

I love the people I'm surrounded by. 

I'm really lucky. 

And I think I'll ignore those-things-that-shall-not-be-named-that-cause-me-sadness-and-start-with-EX-and-end-in-AMS for a littleeee while longer.

kbaiiiiii

xox,

loveacrosstheocean : )

[picture caption: beer and lasagna ♥]