august twenty-third.

I guess starting a new blog entry is as easy as hitting "new post" and typing the first sentence. Life has been kind of eh lately. A lot of big things happened, and as much as I hate when other people are cryptic, I don't have the patience or time to neatly capture everything in word format. Basically the past three weeks can fit into one of two categories:

1. times when being home really, really sucks and I count down days until I leave.

2. times when being home means seeing lovely, beautiful people I care deeply about, and I feel guilty about feeling number one.

and the cycle repeats itself. As a result, I feel all discombobulated, like I'm myself but not. How's that for cryptic? *takes swig of Polyjuice Potion* Oh, how hilarity does not ensue. 

I'm leaving in a few hours for a week to go to New Jersey, Washington D.C., and New York. I have mixed emotions about going, but I don't want to risk sounding like a complete bitch by saying why. I appreciate the fact that I have the opportunity to go, and I'm going to try relatively hard to make the best of it. 

Today especially I felt like every person I talked to let me know how disappointed they were in me. It's not as intense as I make it seem, but more hurtful. I'm 90% sure I won't be home for Christmas, pretty sure I'll be home for Easter, and quite certain I'm not coming home next summer. I make myself think of how shitty things are a lot of the time, as to not be suckered into coming back,  but then those lovely people text me, or have late night Coney with me, and I feel myself wavering on my adamant refusal to come home. Maybe a Soma here and there like in Brave New World wouldn't be so bad. Aaaaand I think when I start wanting to take drugs that don't exist I need to close the cap on my bubbling thoughts. Good night, world.

xox,

lovefrommichigan. 

[photo caption: my room ♥]